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Definitely a new change. I would be lying if I said I was handling the good parts better. I'm still waiting on being screwed over or hurt. Is that normal? When something good happens I immediately think of why it happened and how long for the bad parts to come into my life? Is it normal to expect something other than happiness all the time? I guess I still have a lot to learn. Hopefully I can break this corrosive code that's wrapped up in my heart and mind. People have never been kind to me
No one ever cared about my existence. But somehow that has changed? Do I trust it? Or do I do what I've done my entire life and come up with escape plans A-G? It feels weird not just living in survival mode only. It's been a battle with myself hoping I deserve something good to happen. I don't want perfect I just don't want to waste my little bit of time left on something that will destroy me once more.

People will tell me oh just learn to accept it. Quit looking for the bad. Talk to someone when I feel apprehensive.
Lol.
What a joke. Why would I do any of that when the last time I let people in my world I was left for dead and destroyed? I'm just thinking to myself. Working through my issues.

I am stressed. I feel alone. I feel like all the battles I have to deal with is burying me alive. How do I keep being strong enough to handle everything thrown in my way? I don't have a clue. I want to be in a better mindset. I wish I had a secret protector who would show up long enough to help me deal with the problems then leave. There is no one like that in the world. No matter who I let into my life no one is there for me when things gets tough. I've fallen into an abyss again. My own inner demons aren't silenced like I thought.

COMMENTS

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Cadrewolf2
20:06 Apr 03 2024

Reach out there are friends you might never realized, be strong make your mind be healthy and all will soon work together

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